the words: random, rambling, and rant all begin with an r

i have been thinking recently of creating a new blog where i review movies, particularly the bad ones that completely irritate me and have stolen valuable sections of my life that i will never get back...although there are parts to all movies that can be criticised in some way or other, even the good ones.. but ill save that for a later time or another post.

incase you haven't guessed what this post is about yet, from my relatively cryptic title which seemingly holds no meaning, the theme isss...the alphabet! and words that begin with letters! in honesty as you may have guessed from my previous post, i have been exceedingly stressed out lately...in spite of those dirty-minded people out there i employ i number of methods to relieve stress recently which include:
-working out and actually doing some exercise on something other than my fingers (typing). im quite proud of myself seeing as i havent in over a year and i fear i will fall into the trench of obesity
-yelling really hard at pidgeons until they fly away in fear
-aaand ultimately ranting about random things on this newly made blog in a hope that people will read it and understand my paain! (yes im a terrible actor), not really but writing all this stuff is quite fun now ive gotten started :D

well again to avoid the long bumpy road around the nice and straight 'Main Point', the punchline is that this particular post is an alphabet of words which i have taken at random, and decided to criticise or find something to say about just for fun, because to be honest i can't be bothered to have an opinion on absolutely everything so i will be making most of these up as i go along haha it feels like this will take absolutely ages but i have nothing better to do unless i want to force myself to actually do something productive, but the way i see it is..if i do this now, once ive done it ill have nothing to do and seeing as ive already eliminated doing this all ill be left with is a whole load of guilt and a pile that stretched beyond my head of work to do...i think ill use that as an excuse as to why this is gona be so damn long :| but here goes!

The Rambling Alphabet of Random Ranting

A for Ardvark:

To be honest i've never actually truly known what on earth an ardvark actually is..to be honest i reckon barely anyone does and if they do they either love reading wikipedia as a hobby or they want to become an Ardvarkologist. In my mind the only rationale behind bringing up Ardvark in a conversation is because of the people talking are Ardvark enthusiasts or they enjoy discussing animals that look like the offspring of an armadillo and an anteater, or the fact it has a funny name which instantly makes me instead envisage some kind of docile bird-like animal similar to an ostrich. but maybe thats just me.

B for Beach:

mmm...what comes to mind when i've decided to rant about a beach on my blog post? sand. its everywhere...you can't escape it even when you lay down a towel, it will find a way to get onto you. it's rough and gritty and gets between your toes and yet people frolick around in it as though its soft finely-grated jelly with built-in foot massaging features. i understand it would be nice for little kids etc. who want to build sandcastles, which i admit is quite fun, but that doesn't excuse how damn annoying it is when it comes to just getting rid of it! get off my legs damit! no i don't have any sandles!

C for Cow:

I've decided that at this rate, i will write an entire books worth of descriptions on random words, so im going to limit myself to 3 or 4 lines and seeing as im talking about cows ill just say this. They are up in the top 10 list of most boring animals on the planet along with badgers, wilderbeest and benji (loll). I can understand how they can be fun when you want to tip them over but even that is nearly impossible because they weigh like 9 million tonnes, and if Me, Myself and Irene is accurate you can shoot them in the head 10 times and they will be just fine (now that is pretty cool).

D for Doughnuts:

Yes they taste unbelievable good particularly Krispy Kremes, but they ultimately serve you with nothing more than 5 minutes of joy and 5 pounds of FAT. they are good every now and then, they taste nice, they look nice, they are ok to eat, but i've learned the hard way that eating a Double Dozen of Krispy Kremes is not the answer. to anything. unless you have an unrelenting desire to turn yourself into a new form of public transport. or a whale.

E for Elf:

I've never been a huuuuge fan on fantasy or had a particular interest not in santa but in his little green helpers, but its my understanding that elves are either: immortal fertility gods that like to live in underground caves and are exceptionally beautiful, or tiny men that run around in green outfits and held captive by santa, have a fetish over the snap, crackle, and pop sounds of rice krispies, (watch the commercials), and seem to be able to build absolutely every toy known to man despite being isolated in the middle of the arctic circle with no access to an instruction manual or assembly guide..mmm... i prefer the second type of elf! screw lord of the rings!

F for Froobs:

Yes, some amazing genius out there decided it was a good idea to put yoghurt into a thin plastic packaging that can be squeezed easily into your mouth.. i know! i can't believe i didn't think of it either! there is some very particular innuendo with eating froobs, and in spite of ruining ever being able to eat them again after reading this they don't taste that great anyway and only come in strawberry flavour as far as i know. on the plus side! they make very good pepper spray replacements if you pierce a tiny hole in the end and squeeze it as hard as possible towards the attacker's eyes.

okok i've decided to keep it short and sweet this time round, and perhaps continue this on another occasion. but until next time! have a goodnight folks..